Complain For Free Stuff

This is a mostly true story. I might have to follow it up with an in person visit, as rather than a proper email response, someone who clearly had no power to give me free stuff called me, and just apologized a lot. Boring. The plan is to return the bags, with leaves in them, to the store. Then see what happens. This is my second attempt on PC. They're pretty tough to get freebies out of....

Dear Loblaws.

I would like to tell you a little about my front lawn.
I, like most people in Ontario have a front lawn. Well, truthfully, it's more of a dirt patch.

Anyway, on this dirt patch is a large tree. It has leaves, and every fall the leaves fall onto my dirt patch. I read once that leaving the leaves over the winter insulates the grass underneath. I'm lazy, and any excuse to not do something I will use. And so I didn't rake my leaves off my dirt patch till last week.

I placed them in a big pile, and stuffed them in 4 of your "Lawn and Garden" bags. I then dutifully dragged the bags to the curb and awaited garbage pickup.

Upon returning home from a long days work producing my series of "Mike's Mad Muscles" videos (An exercise video series I encourage you to stock at your fine store) I found that the bags were still sitting.... still... in the place where I'd left them.

"Why Peter?" the bags pleaded.

"Why, would the garbage men leave us to rot on the curb, when all the other yard waste from your neighbors was collected?" They cried.

"Why Mr Bag of leaves..." I responded. "I don't know why. Are the garbage men racist?" I pondered.

So I ventured to the old "Google" (Have you seen this website? Amazing) to find out if garbage men are racist against bags of leaves... And discovered something.

Did you know that garbage men don't hate leaves at all. They just hate them when they're in CLEAR PLASTIC "LAWN AND GARDEN" BAGS!!!! They have to be in PAPER BAGS! Then the garbage men will accept them as one of their own, and collect them.

So...I realized your product isn't called "Lawn, garden and leaf bags", HOWEVER, it does have a photo of 3 bags filled with leaves. So, I'm assuming you do in fact want me to put my leaves in them.
And I do realize that you in no way insinuate that I should put these bags, once filled with leaves, out on the curb for yard waste collection.

So I consulted the box, hoping for instructions. The only instructions I found were "Do not use for food storage" Phew. I made sure there was no food in them, and still, they sat on the curb.

You've developed a product you can put leaves in. That's a great feat in itself. But, now I need you to develop a product that will magically transport my bags of leaves to some big magical composting station in the sky. Can you do that for me?

Because as it stands now, I have to dump all the leaves out of these bags BACK on to my lawn, then purchase ANOTHER box of paper bags, then REFILL those paper bags with my leaves.

As I mentioned at the start of this letter. I'm LAZY! I don't want to do this again.Even now, I'm writing this in bed because I don't feel like getting up. And it's 6pm. THAT'S how lazy I am.

So tell me Loblaws... Tell me what to do.

-Peter