Extreme Fitness Fliers

Welcome to the Complain for Free Stuff blog, where I write weird ass letters of complaint in an effort to get free stuff.

I'm going to start this blog with a double team attempt on behalf of my Room mate and I. Though it didn't get us any free stuff, It was a valiant effort. The guys name was Marc.

Part 1

"Good evening,

I'm writing to command that my home address be removed from your marketing list. I get so many flyers from Extreme Fitness and they all go directly into the recycling. I don't even read one word on them (other than the words "Extreme" and "Fitness"). I am already very healthy from daily windsprints and my self-produced pushup videos (this is also how I'm rich). My muscles are pretty super huge, not to toot my own horn or anything. So you're wasting your marketing budget on my house, Please send me no more flyers.

Good luck and happy new year!

MIKE "

Part 2

"Good evening Marc.

I just saw that my room mate Mike just sent you an email regarding your fliers. I appreciate fitness. So I respect you. I think we'd probably get along real well if we met. So, as your new friend, I need you to stop these fliers. Because... it actually goes way deeper than just "oh gee... look at the garbage in my mailbox"

Y'see. Mike is... well. He's OCD. He's kind of obsessed with recycling. He recycles everything!! He actually tried to recycle my cat last week. He left me a note to not leave my cat around because he's going to go "directly into the recycling"

The thing is... I actually got rid of my cat because when Little Mike (That's what we call him as a joke, because he's HUGE! Pipes the size of my head!) wants something... you gotta do it. Not cause he'll hurt anyone. But when his OCD gets outta hand, sometimes he actually tries to recycle himself. He didn't come home last Wednesday, and just when I was about to call the cops in the morning, his girlfriend found him almost hypothermic, stuffed into the recylcing box. He was mumbling something about becoming one with the pulp of the paper so some shit. I don't know. If it wasn't for his huge muscles... And all the Extreme Fitness Fliers in the recycling bin, he'd probably have frozen to death. So I guess I DO have that to thank you for.

Anyway, I gotta get back to it. I'm working the camera for his new push-up video. I think we're going to title it:

"Mike's Mad Muscles XII
That part of the floor stinks, push it away from your god damn face!"

Hey Marc.
From a Brah' to a Brah'. I really appreciate you helping me out with this one. Mike's a good brah, and I don't want anything bad to happen to him.

Take it easy Brah'!"

The Response

Thanks for your email.

This is done directly with Canada Post. Simply let them know that you do not wish to receive Direct Mail by posting a notice on your mail box.

We have no ability to define Direct Mail addresses.

Marcus Boekelman
Director of Marketing